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Reluctant online dater dont_email_me lives in Texas, and he is very clear about what type of woman he wants: “If I can’t bounce a quarter off your inner thigh, hit the gym, not the ‘send’ button.” Charming.“Okay, here’s the thing,” dont_email_me wrote in his self-summary, “I receive tens of thousands of emails a day and I can’t possibly take the time to read all of them. All I know is, please don’t send me an email if we aren’t at least 100% match and 0% enemies.” Message received. Savanah, age 22, is a mystery wrapped in an enigma. Her picture shows her leaning against the railing of a bridge with sunglasses covering her eyes. Not a lot of skin showing and no clues to her personality.The 23-year-old dater is definitely in on the joke and inviting some raunchy conversation starters with her funny dating profile.OK, so this isn’t exactly a legit dating profile, but it is really funny so it goes on the list. Nothing with Gene Hackman or Kevin Spacey” as a nod to his cinematic arch enemies.He’s decked out in armor and has a long sword slung casually over his shoulder as he looks off to the side, as if to say, “I’m too cool to look directly at the camera.” Evidence suggests this type of photo is very attractive to online daters.According to Ok Cupid’s data crunchers, “Men’s photos are most effective when they look away from the camera and don’t smile.” And then there’s his one-sentence About section: “I’m banking on your standards being a lot lower than mine.” Playful, self-deprecating, and original.By the way, she also claims to hate bicycles, beaches, sunshine, and parks. In her dating profile, Rosefacekillahh describes a nightmare scenario that will scare off most, if not all, potential suitors.
It’s like we’re all playing some bland game of Mad Libs. I’m [good trait], [good trait], and [ideal virtue you wish you had but don’t]. Your personality, sense of humor, and storytelling ability are more important than the bare facts.I enjoy [activity] with my friends or watching [popular television show or movie] on my own. Of course, writing a funny and attractive dating profile is no easy task.I’m here to [hedge and say you want to meet new people], and I’d love to [flirtatious invitation].” C’mon, guys, you’re more than the sum of your Netflix queue! To give you some idea of how it’s done — and how it should never ever be done — we’ve compiled the 13 all-time funniest dating profiles out there.Some bored person on the web created a Zoosk profile for Superman. In the Story section, the comic book superhero explains, “Long story but let’s just say you better be ready for a love affair that’s out of this world.” Under movies, Superman writes, “Action. His perfect match has alliteration in her name, and his ideal date is anything not involving Kryptonite.No word on whether Lois Lane has a profile of her own yet. Take it away, Sydney: “The only reason I want a boyfriend is so that when I’m singing Fergalicious and it’s at the part where she says, ‘I be up in the gym just workin on my fitness he’s my witness’ I can point to him and he’ll do the little ‘woo OOH’ part because right now I have to do both parts by myself and it’s stressful.” Sydney makes them boys go loco.
Instead of playing it cool, they’ve gone all out to create funny profiles that lay everything on the table.