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And don't ask me what that sign says because I probably don't know. But I most likely know how to speak a language other than English. How else are we supposed to talk about other people in public? My parents programmed every second of my life before it was cool for parents to do that. In fact, they'll probably continue trying to set me up with their friends' sons. They might not think you're husband material (yet), but they will like you more if you eat. Actually, just be willing to eat everything when you're around me. I yawned my way through weeknights with a tutor or at a prep program, and I spent my Saturdays at Korean school hating life while learning how to be a better Korean. "You're not married to this so-called boyfriend of yours yet — what's the big deal? But I'll expect you to say it right if we start dating each other. My mom and other family members paid really close attention to my appearance. Not gonna lie, there's a tiny dork-nerd in every Asian. Don't cross me when I'm mad because something like the kimchi slap will happen to you. I'm used to people butchering the pronunciation and spelling of my name. I blame the Asian-language TV soaps I was weaned on. Which is why I always ask for hot sauce and have an emergency bottle of Tabasco in every purse.

So I'm neurotic about some aspect of that, whether it's my weight or the particular paleness of my skin or my big feet or what have you.

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